The Life I've Lived

From childhood innocence,
To the woman I've become...
So many mistakes,
So much I wish I'd never done.
So many nights I've cried
As I lay awake in bed,
So many times I've lied
About wishing I were dead.
I have nothing to be proud of,
My past is full of shame...
For everything I've been through,
Alone I take the blame.
I don't know how to trust,
Or who I should believe...
And when I try to open up,
Those I care for always leave.
I build a wall around my heart...
Afraid to really feel,
Because eventually it falls apart,
And the pain is much too real.
But somehow the wall gets broken down
And I let somebody in...
And then my dreams are shattered
And I live my past again.
All I want is to be loved,
And to give love in return,
To break my painful cycle,
And accept those lessons learned.